THE first things I noticed when I entered the house were the rolls of paper towel. 

In every room there was at least one, in some there were three.

I expected to see that in the kitchen but not in the hall, sitting room and lounge. In the latter, there was a roll on each little table at either side of the sofa, one on top of the TV, and another on the footstool at the base of the comfy chair.

In contrast to the rest of the pristine, beautifully decorated house, this particular piece of furniture had clearly seen better days. It sagged badly in the middle and the armrests were worn and discoloured.

I looked around at the designer wallpaper, antique vases, nicely sanded and stained timber flooring and wondered what it was all about.

Then I heard the thunder of clumsy feet and was nearly knocked over by the Saint Bernard dog that appeared from somewhere and launched itself playfully on me from about six feet away.

Fighting him off manfully (which required all my strength, ancient memories of various karate moves and a large dose of luck), he retreated just far enough to shake his great head and thus splatter great quantities of gloopy saliva over my trousers, the walls and a lovely painting of a seascape with a small boat in the distance.

In a flash, all became crystal clear.

His owner sighed wistfully and reached for the nearest roll of paper towel, which did a perfect job on the impervious wallpaper and glass frame but was inadequate for my blue trousers, which remained a source of considerable embarrassment for the remainder of the long day at work, where, at least, people understood what had probably happened, but ultimately prevented a visit to the supermarket after work to get my dinner.

Dogs can indeed help you lose weight. And you don’t like to offend folk who are simply trying to do their shopping.

To be fair, the big dog was, typically for his breed, friendly, gregarious and without malice. But, like so many others, his owner had failed to appreciate the downside when he had trawled the internet looking for the designer dog of his choice.

The breeder's website had shown spectacularly groomed, immaculate giants, all sitting peacefully; more like statues than the highly mobile, slobbering tanks that they were. She had explained to him that they required little exercise, were careful about children, ate almost anything and rarely caused trouble.

She just hadn't mentioned the saliva. And why would she? When you go to buy a new car, the salesman generally points out the plus points and tends to omit any negatives.

Most dog breeders are the same. They will wax eloquent about the temperament, the lack of shedding, and so on and so forth, but leave out the skin issues, the breathing problems and the joint abnormalities. This breeder had merely done the same.

She hadn't lied, she just hadn't told the whole truth. Which is bad for the new owner but a great thing for paper towel manufacturers.

Oh yes. And painters, decorators and dry cleaners.