RECENT years have seen an increase in two syndromes that were hitherto relatively unknown.

The first I shall call Laminate Floor Disorder (although it can also result from participation in agility training, flyball and other extreme sports).

The rise in incidence of Laminate Floor Disorder has occurred because, much to the chagrin of fleas, Sir James Dyson and Big Jim the Carpet Fitter, shag pile carpet is out and smooth, impervious surfaces are in.

It should be noted, however, that if the client resides in Kilmacolm, we are required, dhaling, to call it Real Wooden Floor Disaster, Parquet Syndrome or Stone Tile Malady.

Whatever, the problem occurs when the hind leg is suddenly, forcibly, inadvertently splayed out, as if the dog was doing the splits.

The most common cause is rushing on slippy flooring to answer the door or get to a food bowl but clearly any form of strenuous exercise can result in a back leg being overstretched to the side.

Ultimately, damage is done to the adductor muscles, whose purpose is to pull the feet together by bringing the hindlegs back towards the body.

The most frequently affected muscle is the iliopsoas and strains or tears will result in pain when the affected leg is extended and the hip joint internally rotated, or if the leg is abducted (so that the foot is moved away from the body.)

In my opinion, the injury is underdiagnosed but most patients respond well to rest and anti-inflammatories.

Laminate Floor Disorder (and the other posh ones) can be reduced by carefully warming dogs up before strenuous exercise then stretching the hindlimb by extending the hip and abducting the leg.

If in Kilmacolm, the maid, butler, chauffeur or cook can probably do this for you.

Our second syndrome is called Dog Walkeritis (I may have made that name up.)

As carpets have disappeared, there has been a huge surge in the number of people offering dog walking services, all with quirky names and small vans from which an extraordinary number of dogs can appear.

It should be noted that I do not think the decline in popularity in carpets is in any way connected to the rise in dog walkers. (After all, I am a vet and not a politician.)

Anyway, where once an individual dog received limited, daily exercise on the lead at a slow pace, commensurate with his owner being able to simultaneously read Twitter messages and answer texts, now all manner of mutts of different sizes are rampaging about the countryside for hours on end, having an absolute ball, getting fitter and, inevitably, falling victim to Dog Walkeritis.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not having a go at dog walkers, who seem to be doing a splendid job.

But if you mix all ages, types, breeds, sexes and levels of athletic ability then there are going to be casualties.

So Dog Walkeritis is a general term for minor muscular and tendon injuries, broken nails, the odd cut foot, tail wounds and the occasional ‘you’re not running past me’ bite to the ear.

All well worth it…