IN the west of Scotland, in particular, new year is generally a time for looking forward.

Resolutions are made and plans for the future are formed. But it can also be a time for looking back and reflecting on the year gone by.

Unfortunately for some, this can mean remembering the loss of a pet. No, not just a pet, but a playmate, a companion and a loyal friend to whom you could tell your deepest secrets in total confidence.

For many this is a heart-breaking event, which lingers in the memory like a heavy mist on a cold morning. Only other pet owners who have suffered the same can understand the feeling.

Friends who are not ‘animal people’ often try to be sympathetic but quickly resort to unhelpful advice like ‘he was only a dog you must forget about it'. Even worse they suggest ‘why not just get another one?’

They really don’t mean any harm, they simply don’t understand, and we will never be able to explain to them.

But it is okay to be upset. It’s normal to grieve and it’s also healthy to do so. Trying to block from your mind fourteen years or so of a pet’s presence really isn’t the best way to deal with his or her death.

Pretending that they were never with you in the first place is not going to make you feel better either. Their memory will only come flooding back at a later date, causing even greater pain.

Losing a young animal through sudden illness or accident is an even harder situation for the pet owner to deal with. In my experience, these owners often suffer terribly from feelings of guilt. They frequently ask themselves what they did to cause the problem, even when it was completely out with their control. They go over in their minds what they could have done to prevent the catastrophe, which, of course, is always obvious with the benefit of hindsight. They may also transfer their supposed guilt onto others; the driver of the car who struck their pet, the neighbour whose dog they imagine spread disease and, regularly, the vet who failed to make their pet better. All of these actions are a common and normal response to such a great emotional upset.

So if you have suffered a loss in the year just passed, don’t be afraid to take a little time now to sit quietly and think about it. Don’t be afraid to shed a tear or two. Don’t be afraid to reminisce.

You’ll probably find that, after a while, you start to forget the difficult parts. The dog in pain or the cat that got so thin will be replaced in your memory with the way they really were – fit, healthy and happy, capering around the garden or curled up, peacefully asleep by the fire.

And maybe the next time they flit through your mind you will be able to remember them with a smile.

Maybe even sitting down this New Year and looking back will help you to look forward with that old, lost friend still beside you. They never leave.